Hyotei's Pillar of Support, or Something Like That
by The Niou-kuns
Summary: The Nioukuns do not guarantee that this story makes sense...


''Oresama Atobe Keigo'' were the first words he heard as he walked into the school building. _Not again_, thought Gakuto to himself. He saw some girls passing by, so he did a double back flip to impress them. Then Atobe himself walked up. ''Oresama Atobe Keigo,'' he repeated. Osakada Tomoka and Horio Satoshi, his official Seigaku flunkies ("two from each school! No diva is complete without them!") squealed and bent Gakuto's head to the ground and they themselves kowtowed.

"Get off me," Gakuto growled, struggling to release himself from Horio's grip. Horio was too busy kowtowing to notice Gakuto's discomfort, and merely tightened his hold on Gakuto's hair. Gakuto attempted to flip and fling Horio against the wall when he felt two beafy hands circle his neck.

"Ah, Kabaji, just in time," Atobe said pleasantly. "Gakuto has some trouble understanding the need to respect oresama. Go give him an education, will you?"

"Usu."

Kabaji dunked Gakuto in the Hyotei Punishment Pool, which consisted of several hundred gallons of Inui juice. ("just fifty bucks a pint! Only paupers can't afford it!") Gakuto tried to backflip out but instead found himself face-to-face with Oshitari Yuushi. "Become Hyotei's pillar of support!" Yuushi roared, promptly vanishing from sight.

"You're not allowed to do that!" Gakuto protested.

"I'm subbing for Atobe!" Yuushi's voice sounded, and at once, Gakuto knew that the boy was not Yuushi. No, Yuushi would never leave him in such dire straights. Who would do this to him? Everyone loved Gakuto! He was adorable! He could do backflips in midair! What's not to love? That's when Gakuto had the answer.

"I know who you are!" he shouted to the enshrouding darkness.

"Oh you do, do you?" The darkness answered, cackling evilly. ("Learn to cackle evilly! Only twenty bucks a class! Satisfaction guaranteed or no money back!")

She emerged from the darkness, hair tied back in a long ponytail and eyes glinting with barely concealed malice. From the moment Gakuto saw her face, he started to shake. "Not…not you!"

"That's right," she smirked. "You must become the pillar of Hyotei or die trying!"

"But—why?" he whispered, voice full of agony.

"You called me cute! She snapped. "I'm not cute! I'm scary!" She considered for a moment. "Apologize!"

"I…I'm sorry, Sakuno-chan!" Gakuto whimpered.

"Louder!" she cried.

"I'M SORRY!" Gakuto screamed. He was really getting sick of this whole business. What right did Atobe have to do this to him, anyway?

"I'm sorry what?" said Sakuno softly, changing tones as quickly as other girls change their shoes.

"I'm sorry…sir?" Gakuto hazarded.

Suddenly bright flames surrounded Sakuno and she grew fifty times larger. "DO I LOOK LIKE A BOY TO YOU?" she shouted. Gakuto was about to reply when she continued. "Please say no," she said softly. "I know my figure isn't as good as Tomo's, but I never thought it was that bad." Then she began to cry.

"Nooo…" Gakuto shook. Girls… what did the Hitchhikers' Guide to Life say about girls? Right. Girls…if they squashed the air out of you too much, slice them open! Or was that Girdles? Oh, well. Same difference.

He pulled out his specially spiked racket and sliced open the girl. Out popped a little boy wearing a bright green headband.

"Hello, desu! Are you going to become the pillar of Hyotei, desu?"

"NOOO!" Gakuto began to run. Of course, running is rather difficult in Inui Juice, so he slipped and fell even deeper into the drink.

"I'm so excited, desu!" the boy chattered on. "You must be really good, desu, because you played Seigaku, desu! I stalk a boy on that team, desu, and they're really cool! Have I ever told you about Echizen-kun desu?"

Gakuto couldn't take it anymore. He swung his racket at the boy's mouth. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect than intended. The boy began to sound like a broken record. "Desu desu desu desu desu…"

Gakuto, knowing that running was impossible, began to swim furiously to get away from the sound. But ahead of him, a new horror appeared…

"You must become Hyotei's pillar of support, da ne! Or else, da ne!" Gakuto knew, logically, that swinging at Yanagisawa would just make things worse. The sound was so annoying, however, that his arms swung of their own accord, neatly slicing Yanagisawa's head form his shoulders.

"AAARGH, DA NE! YOU'VE KILLED ME, DA NE! I WILL NOW HAUNT YOU FOREVER, DA NE! DA NE! DA NE! DA NE! DA NE! DA NE!…"And Yanagisawa's head began chasing Gakuto through the Inui Juice.

"Save me!" Gakuto cried out. Then he felt a woman's arms stopping him from running any further.

"I'll save you, Gakuto-kun!" Hanamura Aoi beamed down at him. "As the pillar of Hyotei, you can usher in an age of coordination for your team."

Gakuto tried to struggle, but it was no use. Hanamura kept talking. "We'll order matching sweatbands for the team, inscribed with the words "Hyotei Pillar" and color coded to your eyes. And when you're comfortable with that…"

Gakuto was unable to control a sudden compulsion. He had to get away. So, for the first time since he had been thrown into the pool, he breathed the poisonous fumes of the Inui Juice...


End file.
